Don't Serve From an Empty Platter!
Mother!
The most important person in a young child's life, indispensable to her
husband, focal point of the home, and the one who makes everything right.
Big job.
Also, the most exciting job! My first choice! I wouldn't want
any other. The joy of being with my children, the diversity of
personalities, the thrill of learning together daily, and helping them learn
about life and how to live uprightly--these things make me feel devoted
to motherhood! There isn't a job that holds such rewards!
But there are times for all mothers when the well runs dry,
the serving platter feels empty and the tears start to flow uninvited.
Homeschooling is a demanding, never finished job. I guess the
word "homeschooling" is interchangeable with the word "mothering" because
it is just more helping and serving and teaching our children to
grow into fine, upright citizens and members of God's kingdom. And
mothering
is just as necessary for the return missionary/college student as
it is
for the day old infant-just in different ways.
I talked to a sister in my ward who is the mother of many children,
and the grandmother of even more. I asked her if the mothering job ever
eased up, if she ever got a breather. She assured me that it just gets busier.
Now she gets to worry over and serve married children, sons-in-laws, daughter-in-laws,
plus grandchildren! She is always needed and always busy. The job of mothering
is eternal.
Not long ago, I was having babies, babies, babies and was totally
occupied year after year with their care. Many mornings I got up
feeling
like I'd never went to bed. Some days I was so exhausted that my
face felt "sandblasted". I recall sitting on the porch step with my little
ones in tow, just waiting, waiting for my husband's car to pull up in the
driveway. Home from work! I was at the end of my rope, and was thrilled
to see the "relief man". I put him in charge and jumped
in his car just to drive to a nearby park to sit quietly and pull
myself
together,
so I could come home peaceful and able to cope with the evening hours.
I knew a mother who had recently converted to the church, and
to the mothering lifestlye. Leaving her high paying career behind,
she had come to the trenches of mothering (the place we live, right?)
and
was drowning
fast! She hung her framed graduation certificate and her career awards
on the wall above her diaper changing table. When asked why, she
replied, "If
I could accomplish that, surely I can accomplish this!".
Now that my youngest (Louisa) just turned five, the baby days
have vanished. It isn't easy to see them go, either. I miss those babies!
Louisa won't keep a thing in her hair, but discards her well-fashioned
pig tails with all their trimmings all over the house. I was in
the bathroom, putting her abandoned ponytails bands and bows into the drawer,
when the
thought occurred to me that it wouldn't be long until the house would "finally
be clean, once and for all!". Right along with that thought
came the awful realization that the job of mothering these children
would
be done,
but I wouldn't want it to be. Yes, I'd like a clean house, but no,
I wouldn't want all my precious children (who make the messes) to
be grown
and gone
as well. It will be quiet one day, but I want to enjoy the whole
journey today, even though it is accompanied by stress, strain and
overload
at times.
So how does a mom keep herself from feeling overwhelmed and
worn out when there are so many needs and demands on her energy?
Years ago, I read this question in the "I Have a Question"
section of the Ensign (many years ago!!). A reader had asked, "How
can I be a more loving mother?". Then she went on to describe
how the demands of the children often pushed her over the edge and
made her
yell
at her children or be impatient. The author had responded to her
question with an answer that I found to be very curious! He told
her to read
her scriptures!! What a strange and inappropriate answer, I thought!
At that
time, I was the young mother of my son Daniel (then 5, now 25 years
old.) I had a toddler and a newborn as well. Most days, I felt like
I was losing
my grip. I wondered why the author didn't reply to her question with
some practical organization
schedule or discipline plan or even menus plans! I would have liked that.
Now, two decades later, I marvel that he was so inspired! I have pondered
that answer countless times over the years, and it was so appropriate!
Yes, read your scriptures!! That will fix it!! The answer to
the question of how to be the loving mother you want to be, is to realize
that everything from your minivan to your cuckoo clock needs refueling,
rewinding, renewing. It must be. You can't just go and go and go and never
refuel. You cannot serve from an empty platter or get water from a dry well.
You are an individual, a child of God, a unique person first and foremost.
Even though the title and role of Mother overshadows that fact most hours
of the day, it is still a fact. Your soul needs renewal so that you can
go back to the job with renewed vigor and perspective.
For years I walked every morning in the river bottoms across
from my home. I would walk as far as my time allotment allowed and
then I would turn around and look at my house, far off and up on
the ridge.
I
would raise my thumb and cover the distant image of my house with
my thumb. Then I would talk to myself! "See, it isn't so hard! It isn't so big
and overcoming. I can blot it out with one digit of my hand! I can cope
with this and handle this!". I prayed while I walked, and by
the time I returned home, I felt boosted and refueled and able to
do my
job patiently
and lovingly, having taken care of my
soul's need for solitude.
God has the fuel we need. Just the enlightening, glowing feeling
of the Spirit is sufficient to carry me through difficult days. But it takes
time to keep yourself in that right place spiritually. You must carve out
time to read your scriptures, pray, write a few lines in your journal. There
seems to be no time to fit these things in, when mothering demands are high.
But, there is actually no time to leave these things out, because the quality
of your mothering suffers drastically if you omit them from your life.
Yes, there will be days and sometimes weeks of illness or other
demands that make it almost impossible to get a snatch of scripture study.
But that must be the exception, not the rule. The strange thing about the
things of God is that our memory of spiritual assurances dims as we move
away from that daily ritual of renewal. If we neglect to keep in tune, we
soon forget what it was like to feel in tune, and we even think we are still
in tune. Find a way to fill up yourself with the good things the Lord wants
us all to have--including a strong testimony of our divine calling as mother,
derived from scripture study and prayer.
Spiritual renewal is the most essential, but there has to be
the times for physical renewal as well, when you are a mother in demand.
Exercising, a hot bubble bath (a rarity without a child at the bathroom
door, begging to get in too), a walk in the sunshine, a new dress (even
it is comes from Desert Industries)--these things can give you the refreshing
you need to be a happier mother.
If you are the mother of small children, I know that it sounds
impossible to fit one more thing into your life, but the dividends
for taking some time to renew yourself are tremendous. A little goes
a long way to making you feel more able to serve and give to your
children. Another
benefit we often neglect to realize is that we are teaching our children
a healthy pattern of self-care that will help them be a happier adult.
We
all know mothers who "doormat" themselves, and become fatigued,
frowny faced women with no spark left in them. That isn't what God
wants for us, nor what we want for our daughters.
So, next time it feels as if you are serving from an empty platter,
fill it up! Your whole family will be happier!
—Diane Hopkins
